Author Blog

Anniversary

Today is the ten year anniversary of the day that Mark and I got married. It was a beautiful star filled night with so much love in the air it felt like we were walking around on marshmallow clouds. Yesterday I was extremely sad, missing Mark, our time together, the...

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Insurmountable?

The last few months have proven to be a huge challenge. It seems like in every area of my life there is turmoil and transition, making it feel like my foundation is crumbling and my world is being thrown about in a huge lake of waves. And in the midst of it all there...

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First Day of School

Last week it was the first day of school for the boys. When Mark died our counselor told me not to make any big changes in their lives for at least two years. So I'd kept them at their private school for two more years. But now it was time for them to go to the public...

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A Big Job

Yesterday I was going through a really tough time on a personal level. I recently decided to get out of a relationship that has been very close to my heart for a long time. It was not a decision I took lightly. It was not a decision I even wanted to make. But I had to...

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Just a house.

Last week I found myself driving in the neighborhood where Mark and I moved to when we were first married. As I turned the corner and made my way around the park, memories of our first two years together flooded into me and made my chest constrict. I forced my head to...

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Father’s Day

It's always tricky on holidays. Father's Day is one of the toughest. All of us were kind of in a funk. It happens. It's part of our life. But when you are in the middle of it there is still a lot of pain. The boys each made a card for Mark. Brannon's says, "I love...

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Chills

I've started getting feedback from people about the book. I have always wondered what they would think after reading the story. As an author you never know if what you have written will touch people. But you hope. I wrote "The Gift Giver" to help people with dealing...

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Time Bombs

There is a chapter in the book called "Time Bombs". It talks about how the boys would suddenly react to something that had been sitting in their world for months but for some reason on this day they would be shaken to their core with sorrow. I had a moment like that...

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Guilty

The other day I found out that I'd gotten an endorsement for "The Gift Giver" that was so wildly out of reach that it rocked my foundation to the core. My body shook as I read the email confirming the words. Later that night I was at a friend's house. We had been...

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Playground

It happened again. I was going to a playground with the boys and some friends this last weekend. Our friends had met some people the night before and invited them to also join us. It ended up that they lived walking distance from the playground. When I met the mom she...

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Worth it.

In the last two weeks I've had two people read the book who I have never met. This has not happened much over the course of the last year since I finished the original first draft. Therefore I have not had much 'unbiased' feedback. However, these two have touched me...

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Valentine’s Day

Two years ago it had been ten days since Mark died. For those ten days I had somehow been able to see his clothes in the closet and still walk in and function…but not on that day. On Valentine's Day, for some reason, the moment I walked in and saw his clothes, I...

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Two years ago today…

Two years ago today. Two years ago today I woke up and thought I was still married. I experienced the biggest shock in my life. I looked at my children as if they had lost their future. I crumbled to my knees more than once. I had all semblance of control I thought I...

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Two Years

As the time nears for the two year anniversary of Mark's death I am becoming a bit anxious again. Last year I was a mess, it was the worst day, or even week leading up to it. Everything seemed to be coming at me at a hundred miles an hour. All I wanted to do was hide....

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Holidays

Some of the hardest times since Mark left have been holidays. The worst one's were the first year after he was gone. I would dread how the boys would be without him. I would miss having all of us together as a family. And I would physically ache for his presence. The...

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Do you “Hear” him?

When I tell people what happened after my husband died, I usually get the same response. It still surprises me when it happens. They say, "I've got chills on my arms." I don't know why it's the same for so many people. Maybe he's around when I am talking about it, or...

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