A week ago my web site host said they had changed their format for payments. Due to the increased cost I decided to let my “Let the Light In Jen” website go offline. I created that website and courses that were on it to help people speak with their lost loved one’s. However over the last 5 years I’ve only had about 5 sales therefore the cost to continue the site was prohibitive, but I felt a deep sadness in the ending

I also learned that in order to keep my Gift Giver website in line with new regulations it would need to be completely redone. In the process of sorting through data on the site I listened to some my interviews and read some of the reviews from several years ago. I never realized I was so smart. (insert smile) In all honesty in some ways I didn’t recognize myself. In the last 5 years the focus in my life has been to be a mother. My priorities have been different than at any other time in my life. The time and energy it takes to raise children by myself is more than I ever imagined, especially now that they are older and more active and more social. They need more than they did when they were young. I love being a mom, and I know that their time living in my home is limited, and will also end one day.

One thing I’ve done for myself over the last year is photography. I bought a camera and when I need to feel more grounded I go outside and shoot nature pictures. This morning I was up before the boys and went outside. I took the photo for this blog.

The seedpod that is completely breaking down and dying shows the vast amount of seeds and possibility of the future. I feel like this seedpod is a reflection of the shutting down of one of my web sites and the re-organization of the other. It’s the perfect reminder that when something ends, another thing is already beginning. Those seeds, like the re-organization, and increase in space and money from the shut down of the other website, hold the future in them. I’m excited for the shift, I’m excited for the change, I’m excited for the next step of the journey. And, because I’m human I feel a loss when something ends. Thank you nature for the gentle reminder that the ends are not a true ending, they are just the step before the next beginning.

~Jennifer Hawkins

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