Mark would have turned 53 today if he had chosen to stay in his body. If you have read the book, you will understand how that is a bittersweet statement.

I woke up this morning and couldn’t put my finger on why everything seemed a little gray even though the sun was shining brightly. I didn’t remember it was Mark’s birthday until the boys and I were eating breakfast and there had already been a few difficult ‘mishaps’.

Mark’s birthday has been on my mind off and on over the last few weeks and so my body knew and my subconscious knew, even though I didn’t consciously acknowledge it.

One of the hardest things for me to do as a widow is to deal with these milestones with the boys. I never know what to do to make it ‘right’. And Mark’s birthday is absolutely one of the times I worry about what exactly to do.

However I am noticing more and more in my life that if I face things head on with honesty and fearlessness that the things I feared or worried about seem to fade away, or turn into pleasantness rather than unpleasantness.

So, I called the boys over and said, “Do you guys know what today is?” And I didn’t even have to wait 2 seconds to know it was the right thing to do.

Brannon yelled, “It’s August 1st! It’s Daddy’s Birthday!” with a huge grin on his face. I was a little surprised, however it was a testament to my boys and their incredible ability to see the light everywhere.

Then I said, “What would we have done if Daddy was still here?” Connor laughed and said, “Remember earlier that it was his birthday!”

I said, “What do you guys want to do?”

They said, “Go see his bench! And watch the turtles and fish! And go out to dinner somewhere with good burgers!”

So, life when faced bravely and honestly has a way of figuring itself out. We are on our way out the door to go visit the bench that we donated to the wildflower center that has a plaque on it that reminds the boys to love each other and stick together, that Mark told me to put on it. And tonight we will enjoy juicy hamburgers, Mark’s favorite in his honor.

Love and light to you all today, on Mark’s ‘would be’ 53rd birthday!

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