Some of the hardest times since Mark left have been holidays. The worst one’s were the first year after he was gone. I would dread how the boys would be without him. I would miss having all of us together as a family. And I would physically ache for his presence.

The first holiday after Mark died was Valentine’s Day. It was especially painful for me because he asked me to marry him on Valentine’s Day. But. I made it through. The first year, I made it through with his help and it was critical. I share the majority of those details in the book.

This year was our second year without Mark in our physical lives. But now I’ve come to now know he is here. He is here strongest during the holidays. I have come to believe that his presence is directly related to our need for his presence.

The thing is, my most painful moments come when the boys are thriving. I wish so much that Mark was there to witness them and experience them learning new things and being so full of joy. And… at those moments I check in. I ask him if he is there. I’ve never heard a ‘no’. And… every time I have heard or felt a ‘yes’.

I’m thankful for those answers. They are comforting. His boys were an absolute treasure in his life. I’m happy that he is still around to know how they are.

I wish you love, joy and happiness over the holidays and every day.

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