About a week ago I made a very difficult decision, with Mark’s blessing, to let our nanny go. She has been with us since Brannon was a baby, almost three years BEFORE Mark passed away. In many ways she has been the bridge that has connected the time when we had him with us, to now.

This decision was not taken lightly as it means more work for me, less input from other adults for the boys, less time for me to work, and the added emotional side of letting go of someone who has been like a family member, especially since Mark died.

When it hit me that it was time to tell her, there was a flooding of different emotions, sadness, fear, worry and even numbness. But as I worked through the details of how it would effect our lives the unexpected feeling of excitement grew within me.

For even though I was sad that she would not be in our lives each week as she has been for a long time, and I knew there would be more for me to do for the boys, and around the house. I also began to see how this was going to be the next step in our healing.

When I brought up the idea with the boys I said, “So, I was thinking it might be time to see if you are good at taking care of yourselves some when I need to work.” They looked at me quizzically.

I said, “I’m thinking that you guys don’t need a nanny anymore.”

They said, “What does that mean?”

I said, “That I’ll be the one picking you up from school every day, that you will need to figure out ways to entertain yourselves when I still have work to finish. And that you will need to help more around the house.”

To my delight and minor shock, they both said, “Ok!”

It was in that instant I knew we were ALL really ready.

And while I am very excited about our next step in our healing, it comes with a huge dose of bittersweet. For our nanny has absolutely been a part of our family, and we intend to let her know that family means forever. Whether or not we see her every week.

We love you Cheryl.
Jen, Connor and Brannon

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